steamy dark night, fog in colors of fairy tales, rope vines swinging up to the clouds.

Thalia is a delicious girl, wicked with a one liner or with over extened defintions and/or explanations of the simplest things, sassy and moody, dark and beautiful. Addison is a daisy-chain girl, smooth enough to burn you through and through, sweet and sour in the right light, dark and beautiful.

i will always remember you, but i'll try to work on me.

Addison goes to school away-away, up north where the snow covers life and makes everything look the same. Where all the girls tread the carpeted hallways with the same walk, and lie in bed at night with matching pajamas and the same dreams floating out of herbal essence heads.

Addison stays in her room a lot. Alone with her guitar and a few people who like her back, she sits and thinks of summer, when everything is different. When it is just her and everything she wants it to be. When she is home, comfortable and safe.

Not home as in house home. Not home as in dinners with her mother and father and brothers, the black VW bug and the four bedroom house. Not home as in a small white bread town full of even smaller minds.

Home as in comfortably safe in a mental way. As in the numbers she needs to call at four in the morning, when her thoughts are too much to bear alone and the knife would run too easily, too smoothly onto her skin, when those numbers aren't long distance. When walking down the street means recognizing faces. When you can do the same things day in and day out with your friends and never get bored.

who are you to need me? i wish you would.

Thalia lives year round in that small white bread town, a town that hardly ever gets snow because it is too close to the ocean, so winter is just one long month of drear and damp cold. Thalia takes an empty bus every morning to a brain cramp of a school, hell with flourescent lighting.

Thalia keeps up the life that Addison had to leave behind when she left. Thalia sees their friends every day. She goes to some football games and most parties. She techs shows and tells Addison all about them, the fools people make of themselves and the actors that don't cooperate, the jokes people tell and the sets they build. Thalia works her job at the bagel store day in and day out, and comes home and calls Addison to tell her about the new brazilian workers, or the pistachio muffins that came out looking like radioactive corn muffins, golden yellow on top but cracked and showing bright shimmers of slightly flourescent green inside.

Thalia thinks about summer too, when school is yesterday or tomorrow but never today. When the beach calls with as much vehemence as the coffee house. When the air conditioner provides the perfect reason to stay home and watch movies. When freedom runs rampant and spontaneity becomes the order of the day. When flowers burst into bloom and shower the world with their color.

stones embedded in the roads, hold my hand, goddess-lover, and we will journey together.

Summer means freedom but winter means snow. Snow that makes basement rooms hidden, and cave-ish. Snow that protects and envelops, and can make even hell seem like a sanctuary sometimes. Or at least it would, if it fell.

Thalia doesn't know which she likes better, summer or winter. Freedom or snow.

to the moon!i'll fly you with my beautiful wings.

Thalia helped Addison make her website, since Thalia is an all mighty technopagan webmistress. Addison put up free writes, and journal entries, and poems and thank-yous. Addison is filling cyberspace with reality, with her reality, and if confusion and depression and frustration isn't real, then nothing is.

Addison has a red guitar on her page. Ever since she was a child, she always had the plan in her mind that she was to become a musician. A musician with a red guitar. A musician like Ani DiFranco.

Addison has a picture of her on her page too. Ani is Addison's idol, Ani sings and writes and makes music and changes the world. Addison struggles with her own self expression, she struggles with her own ambition. She thinks Ani is a goddess.

Thalia thinks Angeline Jolie is a goddess. Thalia has a picture of her on her page, next to a skyline of New York City, where Thalia will go someday and tech shows. When it is Thalia's turn to go away-away.

Thalia knows that Addison plans on marrying Ani and Addison knows that Thalia is going to marry Angelina. Maybe they'll be each others' maids of honor and then have scandelous affairs with each other. Maybe not.

i am an ocean, and i'll always hold you down deep, where you will always be my magic.

Thalia and Addison are sitting in Thalia's basement room in the middle of winter when Addison is home on break. Thalia only has a two small windows that just barely get light, but you can see a bit of the garden from inside. You can glimpse the bulbs, just barely, hiding in the ground. Hiding warm and deep and, for a little while, safe. Like Thalia and Addison are hiding, watching a movie.

"What makes me special?" Addison asks, in a momentary realization. Thalia turns off the TV and turns around, and Addison can see the sadness in her eyes. "Oh Addison...because you are you. Because you are sugar and spice, and you are dark and hidden and mysterious and crazy. Because someday you will know exactly who you are and then you will shout it out to the world, and you will express yourself and you will make a difference."

we'll be mermaids, and bathe in the sun's rays in Peter Pan places.

The world was going on around them, the cold winter world without snow to make it safer. Parents were fixing dinner and ordering out Chinese and driving around and falling asleep on couches. Stores were closing and opening and moving and selling. Cars drove by and the phone rang and the TV waited to be turned back on.

And Addison and Thalia sat alone in their basement room. When they found each other, they found understanding and strength, reality and all their dreams. They found a need to be loved and a desire to love back. And they found their Ani's and their Angelina's, their red guitars and their New York apartments.

and we will be all of the fairies, and i will be your sleeping beauty.

Addison's thoughts come spilling out before she can catch them, and shove them back in, and turn her mind to other things.

Addison says, "Thalia? I always thought I wanted to give you a flower," and she cups her hands, distracted by her thoughts, and holds them out. "I always hoped that someday I would open my hands and there would be the most beautiful flower, straight from the Amazon jungle, still wet with dew from the fast flowing river it had grown next to. Six perfect petals, the most wondrous color...alive and full of fire."

Thalia sits up. "Addy babe," she opens Addison's hands and fills them with her own.

"But then I realized that I could never give you that one perfect flower." The picture in Addison's mind has gone blank and she smiles at Thalia.

"There is no one perfect flower, Thal. But look - look at every flower, the way I have been. I realized that if I gave you what I thought was the perfect flower, I would always find another one that I wanted to give you more. Since I found you, Thal, every flower is perfect. And every cloud is a cute little rabbit...and every day is a wonderful dream."

Addison puts her head down in Thalia's lap. They stay in silence, lying on Thalia's bed, saying nothing but thinking a lot.

"I'll bring you all the flowers in the world, Addison."

Thalia and Addison have friends. They have drama friends and music friends, school friends and summer friends, street friends and adult friends, coffee house friends and other friends. And they have each other.

quotes from fairytales by jcaddison
**Polyhemnia

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